Before any communication with another person can be successful, have a clear picture of what you are striving for. We all have conflicting goals or desires. Perhaps when you don't feel satisfied with an outcome, it has less to do with the other person or the issue than it has to do with not being clear with yourself. Calmness naturally comes from knowing what you are shooting for. Ask yourself, "What is success?" Look at your own needs continually. Take a 5000 foot view on your situation.